Personal growth

Addiction to another person

We can completely stop growing as a person when we fall in love with the wrong one. We have to face the same problems as any other addicted person. Maybe even worse, as being addicted to another person is generally not discussed sufficiently. How can such addiction be overcome?

Jakub Trpiš
Author of The Choice

A good friend of mine is addicted to her boyfriend. He treats her really badly, doesn’t respect her and uses her. Every time we talk, she is convinced her boyfriend cheats on her.

She literally withers away a bit more every time we see her. We try to convince her this is not a way to live a happy life. Despite the fact that she admits it, she also says she is still in love and can’t live without him. This has been going on for two years now! A confident, beautiful woman has turned into a wreck. Completely blocked, up, she doesn’t let the people around help her, and criticizes everything. Her productivity at work is now worse and above all, her health is now worse too.

How to get rid of such addiction?

1. Take precautions

I think we all have this experience. However, it never ended up the way my friend’s relationship did. Because we know how such addiction looks like, we are able to pull the handbrake and take certain precautions.

2. Admit you have a problem

If you can’t imagine leaving your partner, friend or family member, it means you are addicted. Their presence is such an important thing to you, that you can’t spend the day without calling or texting them. You constantly think about them and forget about yourself. The symptoms are exactly the same as if you were madly in love. The problem is that being in love slowly fades away and it evolves into something more grown-up, however, addiction is getting worse and worse. Every person wants to love and be loved but nothing should be taken too far. Especially when your partner doesn’t love you. Admitting you are addicted is the most important step to overcome it.

3. What if we are truly addicted?

Our mind is our strongest weapon so it’s crucial to learn how to use it right. You need to convince yourself that you are ready to get rid of the problem. As soon as you make this crucial decision, things will start to change. Tomorrow, you will have to make another decision. You need to remind yourself that you wish to be single at all times. No matter what. Go and have lunch with an ideal couple in which two people truly love each other. You will see first-hand how beautiful your life could be after you get rid of your addiction. Not necessarily of the person you love, but of your addiction. It’s not always a solution to get rid of the people you care about, but it’s crucial to stop thinking you can’t live without them. However, the truth is, that it’ll be far more convenient for you to stop seeing that person for a while.

4. Change your stereotype

Make new friends. Visit places you haven’t visited yet. Don’t take the same old route to your work. Simply, do everything so your life isn’t the same as it was yesterday.

5. Educate yourself

Various books and articles were written on this topic. There are also groups on social media able to help you. You might encounter people who had already overcome this problem and can offer valuable advice. At the very least, you’ll find out you are not alone in this. If nothing helps, don’t be afraid to visit a psychologist. When you have angina, you visit your doctor too, right?

Tip: Read the article about the perfect relationship

Most of us aren’t pathologically addicted

The example of my good friend is extreme. We all have our own way on how to deal with addiction, once the addiction crosses the healthy line. Of-course we all are addicted to our close ones to a certain extent. It would be odd if we wouldn’t. It’s important to realize that there was always a person who loved us and whom we loved, and there will always be. We can’t stick to one single person. True love doesn’t lead to addiction, on the contrary, it makes us more independent.

What should we do in case someone close to us is addicted? Besides talking through the matter with the particular person, supporting the person and showing he/she is not alone… you can do nothing. It’s up to each person to decide when a traumatic relationship ends.

The Choice hardcover (English version)

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