The way to a perfect relationship
Despite the fact that hundreds of books were written about two people living together, how many couples can actually say that they are completely happy? Does an ideal relationship even exist? The most important thing is to completely forget about the things your parents told you and stop copying other couples.
What are your relationship expectations?
Most of us don’t even know what exactly to expect from a relationship. As a result, we can’t possibly know whether such expectations are fulfilled. General expectations about love don’t have to always necessarily apply to us. Realizing what we want is the most crucial thing and this is why most of relationships end before they even begin. We apply some sort of a general understanding from the 19th century about how two people should live together and we expect that it to work. If somebody from the couple changes his attitude a bit, it becomes a terrible problem threatening the relationship itself.
7 tips on how to improve your relationship
1. Try to understand your relationship goals. We have an idea about our ideal partner since our childhood and we often end up with people who somehow replicate our mothers or fathers. If you want a happy relationship, you need to settle these childhood expectations. Ideally, you will stop looking for partners who remind you of your mother/father. If not, you will always end up with people who are not suitable for you and the relationship will be sooner or later over. It would be odd if not. You were looking for a mother/father/brother/sister and were lying to yourself that you are looking for a partner.
2. Not everybody wants to have a long intimate relationship with another person. The today’s world favours the so-called Singles. These people are simply happy without a partner and aren’t looking for one. At the same time, this doesn’t mean these people are shallow. Even people who often change sexual partners and never enter a relationship can be complete grown-up people. If you feel this is the path you want to follow, you should do it.
3. Forget about the traditional roles of the man and the woman in a relationship and I also suggest you throw all your books about women emancipation out of your library. Stop once and for all thinking that a woman should have any role to the man. Or the other way around. It’s nonsense. You simply have to figure out what suits you. Your sex doesn’t matter, different people feel comfortable in different types of relationships. We are all different. At the same time, it’s not unusual that these preferences change, especially at a younger age. In an ideal relationship, two people complement each other and feel happy, complete. Again, be careful to understand your needs, don’t copy others.
In every relationship, one person is a bit inferior to the other, however, it is crucial to set a healthy limit. As soon as you start thinking that you are dating a god, fearing to tell your partner anything and supress your happiness in his/her favour, things can get ugly. In most cases, it is an emotional addiction. As with all addictions, the treatment is lengthy but if you don’t act now, it will get worse and worse by each and every day.
Tip: Read the article about emotional addiction
4. Don’t take your partner for granted. A mistake which most of us make or made. Same as with life, health and others. We don’t appreciate the things we have. That’s why it’s important to do the things we did when we tried to persuade the other person to stay. Little things such as a meal in a nice restaurant, breakfast to bed, massage or a surprise gift are only some of the many ways to show affection to our partner.
It pays off to minimize routine as much as possible. Next to cheating, routine is the worst thing that can happen to an otherwise prosperous relationship.
5. Forget about illusions. There are six people in a relationship. You, your idea about yourself, your partner’s idea about you, your partner, your partner’s idea about himself/herself and your idea about your partner. Quite complicated, right? Remember the beginnings. You slowly got to know each other. It was nice, right? But we stuck to a certain idea about our partner and still think that the partner is that same person. How about approaching the relationship as it’s beginning all over again? You would be surprised about the amount of assumptions you have created. You may find out that you live with a totally different person. But why not? Change is life.
6. Let your partner be whoever he/she wants. Respect the changing needs and don’t try to limit them. At the same time, don’t forget about your needs and dreams. Mutual respect and toleration are crucial in a healthy relationship. If it is built on a firm basis, your partner will allow some things, while some things will be too much. The win-win system should apply to your relationship more than anywhere else. You should both feel that living with your partner is your life’s biggest achievement.
7. Soul matching. Think of a person as of an onion. We have several layers. From the ones on the top, different behavioural patterns, our emotions, values, to the soul itself, which makes every one of us a unique human being. We often find a person who we understand perfectly and despite this fact, we are not meant to be in a functioning relationship with that person. “Love at first sight” isn’t romantic, or idealistic. If we are to build a lasting relationship, we should feel affection from the very first time. It is that inner feeling that you have already met this person before. That’s our soul telling us that it perfectly matches with its counterpart.
You may ask why is it important to listen to what our soul wants. It’s because our heart can choose a partner that will be on the same page after years of being in a relationship. If you match with your partner in terms of energy, you don’t have to think about whether you match with your partner intellectually, emotionally and sexually. Luckily, we are not in the Middle Ages anymore, so you don’t have to think about whether your partner is from the same social class as you :-).
Same as all relationships in universe, the relationship with your partner too works on the basis of exchanging energy. A healthy relationship gives you energy, teaches you valuable things. It’s an automatic never-ending process. We shouldn’t try too hard to make it work and the more we convince ourselves to stay in the relationship, the more it means something is not right. Of-course there will be times when you’ll feel happier and times, when you’ll feel less happy but at the end, you should really be happy most of the time.
One last advice
Don’t take advantage of your partner’s faults, as he/she has opened up to you more than anybody and trusted you that you won’t use these faults when things don’t go as planned. You may observe some of the faults yourself too. If there’s a time you will be truly angry with each other and you might even end up splitting, don’t use these faults against your partner.
If two people truly loved each other in the past, they won’t do such thing. Love transcends sexual relationships and you should respect each other no matter what.
And why go through it all, if relationships often don’t work out? Because one day, it will and you will find your perfect match who will make you laugh, will totally understand you and make you truly happy. And who will let you go just because he/she knows it will make you happier.
Interview with the author
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